I’ll never lose this weight.
Why try if I can’t do it?
Just because it worked for them doesn’t mean it’ll work for me.
They don’t understand my life, my injuries, or how badly I need that ice cream.
I’ve tried everything. Why put myself through this again?
No matter what I do I gain weight.
I’m too old for this.
I’ll start tomorrow.
It didn’t work before. Why would it work for me now?
Have you had these thoughts? I have and many, many others over the years. The guilt and shame I placed on myself was immeasurable. The constant stream of negative self-talk that no one knew about kept me in bondage. I had my moments of willpower where I would count calories, or start a new diet. But I failed every time. I was sabotaging myself with the constant negative talk within me. But I also had a forceful husband feeding me the same lies I fed myself and more.
Every lie I just shared with you, please take the “I” out and replace it with a “you”. That’s what my life was like for 5 years.
Not only was I beating myself up emotionally but I allowed someone else to beat up on me too.
The physical violence people typically understand is wrong. But the emotional violence is harder to discern and more difficult to understand. Emotional violence is like a thief in the night coming with intention to kill and destroy with words until, the very essence of an individual is gone and only a hint of that person remains.
When I was trying to find the moment I first experienced abuse I saw that it corresponded when I began to gain weight. The more I felt trapped and couldn’t get out of the relationship the more I couldn’t stop the pounds from creeping onto my body.
When I first began to lose weight (for real) and wasn’t gaining any of the pounds back I was married and living under the same roof while separated. No one knew that or what was going on behind my front door.
The very first change I made was the most important one. I didn’t change what I ate or drank. I STOPPED listening to my own negative self-talk inside my head. Then I STOPPED listening to my abuser’s words.
Want to know what happened next?
Hope snuck into my soul. And it brought peace and confidence along with it.
It didn’t create a quick fix. I didn’t instantly lose 75 pounds overnight. Though I wished for that!
It took 2 years of daily battles. Some of which I lost and others I won. However, I have completely changed my life and am so grateful that I put the hard work in to create a #healthylifestyleinsideandout.
If that’s what you want for yourself, you can do it. It’s up to you. No one is going to do it for you. Only you can decide if you’re ready to:
- Stop listening to negative talk (yours or someone else’s).
- Replace negative messages with positive thoughts and messages.
It’ll be a long process for a lifestyle change. I have no guarantees for you. I can’t promise what worked for me will work for you.
But what I can offer you is the same promise that God promises to Christians, a hard life of being at war within yourself. With cravings to eat what you want when you want against the desire to lose weight and do better will battle each other every day.
The same fight is described in Galatians 5:17, “For the desires of the flesh are against the spirit, and the desires of the spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.” (ESV)
Being a Christian isn’t easy. Neither is having a #healthylifestyleinsideandout.
I have two questions I hope you’ll ask yourself.
- Do you beat yourself up on the inside?
- Do you have someone telling you that you can’t succeed?
Are you ready for step 1 and step 2 of Journey With Bri’s creating a healthy lifestyle inside and out?
If you are ready, I encourage you to find someone you trust. Talk to them and bring them on your own journey with you. Entering the battle against cravings and desiring a better life isn’t easy. But the war you’re in right now desiring to change yourself and not being sure that you is a war within it’self.
Are you ready to end that war of despair and enter a new one of learning to stop negative messages and replacing bad messages with new positive thoughts? Are you ready to allow hope to be a part of your life? If so, join me in my new hashtag, #healthylifestyleinsideandout.
I’m not perfect. I still fight my own daily battles. But I’m here on this journey with you.